The New European Language (humor) The European Commission has just announced an agreement whereby English  will be the official language of the EU rather than German, which was the  other possibility.  As part of the negotiations, Her Majesty's Government  conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has  accepted a five-year-phase in plan that would be known as 'EuroEnglish': In the first year, 's' will replace the soft 'c'.  Sertainly, this will make the sivil servants jump with joy. The hard 'c' will be dropped in favor of  the 'k'.  This should klear up konfusion and keyboards kan have 1 less  letter. There will be growing publik enthusiasm in the sekond year, when  the troublesome 'ph' will be replaced with the 'f'.  This will make words  like 'fotograf' 20 percent shorter. In the 3rd year, publik akseptanse of  the new spelling kan be expekted to reach the stage where more komplikated   changes are possible. Governments will enkorage the removal of double letters, which have always ben a deterent to akurate speling.  Also, al wil  agre that the horible mes of the silent 'e' in the language is disgraceful, and it should go away. By the 4th yar, peopl wil be reseptiv  to steps such as replasing 'th' with 'z' and 'w' with 'v'. During ze fifz  year, ze unesesary 'o' kan be dropd from vords kontaning 'ou' and similar  changes vud of kors be aplid to ozer kombinations of leters. After zis fifz  yer, ve vil hav a reli sensibl riten styl.  Zer vil be no mor trubls or difikultis and evrivun vil find it ezi to understand ech ozer!